Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
