You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
