I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
