If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
