Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
