singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
