My first STD was from a foam party
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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