If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
