white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?