she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
this just has baby written all over it
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
