That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize