big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
