I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
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I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
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I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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