If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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