oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
