i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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