Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
