i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
