Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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