Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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