Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
