I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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