Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
