Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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