Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you would pick up someone in the library
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
