he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
