even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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