turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
