By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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