Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
