i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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