Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
that is very illegal...i love you.
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