I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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