Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
