I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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