R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
