omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
