apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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