he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
