I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
