She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
