he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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