I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
