I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
