He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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