can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
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He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
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I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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