I want to stick my p in your. b.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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