I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
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Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
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This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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