eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I wish you could order shots online.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
