quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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