i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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