thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.â€
Randomize
