im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
