I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My life is pants optional.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
