your parents love me but you hate me
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Drake has all the answers
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
